April Fools Day
Manufacturing Firm Announces C’tuck Location
20 jobs estimated. Company provides personal protection
By Tar Marlign
The Currituck County Economic Development Department announced today, that Currituck County has been selected as the location for a new manufacturing company, estimated to produce 20 new jobs locally.
The Currituck Condom Company is expected to break ground sometime later this year for their new high-tech manufacturing plant to be located in the Maple Industrial Park, adjacent to the Currituck Regional Airport in Maple.
Prof. Phil Acktic, president of the Curituck Condom Company, credits the political climate in the county as a major reason for choosing the Currituck location. “Our research indicates that toward the later half of 2006, there was a very strong uptick in ‘dirty’ politics in this area. We sensed a need for personal protection against these dirty politicians and thus we’ve chosen to locate our newest facility here in Currituck.”
The company’s newest product line features “Bubba’s Rubbas” – is specifically designed to protect individuals from “dirty” politicians. The product features a double thickness of premium virgin latex, and labeling which assist the individual in identification of the political perpetrators.
“We sense a great need for such personal protection, particularly with elections right around the corner and the signing of the new health care legislation”, Actick stated. “Quite honestly we believe a lot of people are going to get screwed! And if that’s going to happen, we should try to make it as safe as possible.”
Commissioner Barry Nelms of Poplar Branch immediately took credit for the creation of the new jobs and recruitment of Acktic’s business.
Acktic pointed out that Nelms should not feel flattered at his company’s decision, as he his cohorts were indirectly responsible for his decision to locate his business in Currituck.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
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OOOH! Weee! Professor, you sure know how to make a citizen blush!
Why next you will show us an E D (oops!) economic development guru who will produce those latex wonders from foreign materials with low wage curri-workers for export to anywhere all tax free!! It’s a slave and master game all covered in latex so bubba can’t see! And we tax payers are footing the bill for the ushering in of the game with the complicity of our elected ‘bubbas’. No joke.
Doing a good job KEEP the big boys honest